Difficulties aside from treatment
I met Louise when I was a Senior in high school and she was a freshmen. But it would be YEARS later, when we would start dating. Since then we have been inseparable. She is my best friend. For nearly 7 years we have seen each other every day of our lives. Even if one of us had to travel, we still would FaceTime or talk on the phone.
Having ESRD has its challenges with treatment, as many of you have read about and watched about in the vlog. But there’s an even bigger challenge for Louise and I. We recently “moved” (keep reading to find why I put it in quotes) to Texas due to Louise’s career relocating to Dallas. We bought a house out in Texas and moved all of our things out there, except there’s a couple missing pieces to the puzzle… me and Isla haven’t moved, yet.
Let me explain. Louise needed to move to Texas and be present there for her job. We decided that it would be best for me to stay behind because I was waiting for the transplant to happen. For several reasons, I didn’t want to move right away: 1) I still had my job I. The Bay Area. 2) If I moved and started a new job in Texas, I would have to give notice to leave for months while I recover. 3) All of our family are in the Bay Area, and it made sense for me to stay and have our family’s help as I recover. On top of that, Isla started preschool and we didn’t want to take her out mid-school year.
So, Louise and I have had this long distance relationship for 8 months now. I try to make it out to Texas at least once a month, Louise tries to come back to the Bay as much as she can, especially for special events and occasions. Unfortunately, Valentine’s was one of those occasions where we weren’t able to be together. It’s been hard, especially when it went from being with each other almost every waking hour to just conversations on FaceTime and texting. I miss and need my best friend. I’m sure Louise feels the same way, especially in Texas, where the only people she knows are pretty much just her co-workers. I know she misses Isla a lot.
It has also been hard on Isla. I know she misses her mom. When this all started, Isla would act out and no one knew why. I would calm her down and soon after she would mention to me that she misses mommy a lot. So we FaceTime with Louise as much as we can. But as you know, nothing can replace actually being there in person.
Its tough for me. Some days I just wish Louise was here to help with my treatment or to take care of Isla. It’s like being a single parent. Although, I have tons of help here from my family, sometimes I just need Louise here. It gets lonely, my anxiety gets to me because I don’t like going places without Louise. If I do go out to parties or gatherings I usually find an excuse to leave because I feel like I have no one there to bounce back conversation with me. There are also many things that worry me with us being apart. Mainly her safety in Texas. I feel like I should be there to take care of things around our home. I also worry about when I am recovering, I do not think that disability will cover all our monthly expenses while I’m unable to work. And of course, Louise will also be taking time off work to recover as well.
There is a glimmer of hope. What keeps us going is knowing that a transplant is somewhere in the near future.